so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
