batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
