I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize