if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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