Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
