This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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