You smell like stripper and shame
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
