"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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