rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize