Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
