Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
