3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
