Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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