the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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