Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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