i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
