No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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