He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
