I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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