So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
