Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
