Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize