Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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