Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you had me at cake vodka
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
