reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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