I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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