Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
