oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
