Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
