I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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