The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
