ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
