Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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