oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
