38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize