her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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