Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
