"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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