You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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