In the future we'll all be gay
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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