I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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