Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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