a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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