k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
false alarm. still invincible.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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