Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
