wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
