i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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