I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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