my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
