i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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