We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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