In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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