This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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