he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
