idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
