You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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