Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
