Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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