I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
