I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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