I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she told me i tasted like america
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
