He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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