He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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