Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The air taste purple.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
