did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
