So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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