writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
