Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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