i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you win again, gameday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
