you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
