gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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