I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
