That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
