i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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