If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
