Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
