You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
false alarm. still invincible.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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