i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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