if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
