There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize