Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
