I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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