Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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