Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
