Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
