The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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