it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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