I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
