imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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